Elan Amen Taro (Identification)
As I write this book, I find my paranoia refreshed, reminiscent of a time when I was much more ill. To explore these ideas I have to relinquish a denial that I have nurtured inside of myself to keep safe. I very rarely turn my attention to the horizon of my mind, in doing so I often find myself wandering blind into deep woods. I have the tools now to understand I have always been blind, and always will be. Even a more acclimated future is giving strength to a delusion; of certainty, of morals, even of love.
Putting a finger on your environment is like trying to count the stitches in a cobweb, or to bottle air, and even once you have the slightest grasp on what your environment is you have shifted it through your conscious observation of it. Waking up in the middle of the night, suddenly questioning your technique in breathing, and spending the next few minutes trying to distract yourself away so your unconscious can get back to work. You can quantify the multiple microbes, and tenaciously track your diet, refer back to decades of notes with a psychiatrist. You can count up all the colt 45 bottles that you’ve collected on your bedside table, but you’ll always be missing something. Whether that something is as minuscule as a particle of dust that fluttered onto your shoulder on your 13th birthday, or the neglected realization that you’ve abandoned your family, i bet you a pretty nickel you’ll be missing something.
My definition of environment then exists as everything that the individual is not. However the individual’s own mental facilities surely can exist as their environment, but I would then argue that self identity, and referential ideals are not really the individual, but rather braces to accommodate an instinctual being through the harsh trials of the universe. This text is part of the environment then, even for me, but it will never come close to identifying all the nuances of what I am not, and even if it did I would have only understood the entirety of what the environment is for just myself.
Should that matter? Some would argue that the simplicity of the human condition could allow us to deduce much about an individual with scarce amounts of information about their environment. While others would testify that the presence of a soul inside our rotting corpses grants us the liberty of a distinct existence. Our uniqueness fulfilled by endless stimulus that we pour into ourselves, this stimulus being the environment.
Maybe we are all the same person, having a wretchedly complicated dream, where ketchup is red, the sky is blue, and Jimi Hendrix is still dead. It doesn’t really matter.
In every fabricated scenario it is indeed prefaced that an individual exists in an environment. If I had to get all scientific about it I would say that there is a definite correlation between the presence of individuals and environments. Come to think of it I have never met an individual who was not in the presence of an environment. If you have met a being that fits this criteria I would strongly suggest you getting in contact with a psychiatric hospital or CERN.
But you meeting this person would taint their existence with environment, because you too exist as environment for other people. Even now as we discuss the hypothetical “nowhere man” that may, or may not exist, we have given them context inside this conversation, pulling them out of isolation and influencing them with our hypothetical knowledge of their existence. This concept of contaminating potentially non existent entities with the environment of our observation of them is a concept that will continually be referred to in this text, and will be referred to hereafter as “epicating”. This notion of “epicating” asserts that nothing exists without environment, except potentially things that we are unaware of. But we are of course aware that we are not aware of those things, aren’t we?
What level of awareness contaminates these potentially isolated ideas, that we are only aware we are unaware of?
If all these folks that we’ve ever met are somehow being influenced by this arbitrarily obvious concept, I would say that if an individual really wanted to give information about themselves they would start with the context of their environment.